So it appears that the Washington Redskins are finally changing their name. There has been talk about this happening for a couple decades now, and with the current culture in our country taking over, now is apparently the time. I assume the Cleveland Indians, Kansas City Chiefs, Atlanta Braves, and Florida State Seminoles are next.
Am I personally offended by the name Redskin? No, I am not. However, I am not Native American, so I am not in a position to answer that question. Most polls show that Native Americans are mostly accepting of the team name, but like most polls, the results of those polls are disputed.
I firmly believe there is no place in sports for an offensive team name. I am sure you feel the same way. But the question becomes, what is offensive? You must understand the overly politically correct country we are living in right now. We have become offended by everything. You name a thing, anything, and someone is offended by it. And sadly, this trend is only going to get worse.
So, the question becomes, how far will this go?
For the record - I am not opposed to this name change. It does not bother me. What does bother me however, is the path this may lead us down.
How have the San Diego Padres, the Los Angeles Angels, and New Orleans Saints been able to keep their team name for all these years? Have you ever stopped to think about how Atheists (or any non-Catholic or non-Abrahamic followers) feel about this? Surely they are offended by this. They should be.
And what about the New Jersey Devils? It’s only a matter of time until the Christian fundamentalists put an end to that team name, right?
Have you thought about how our British fans feel about the New England Patriots? Our original Thirteen Colonies rebelled against the Brits to gain our independence. Good for us Yankees, but….wait, better ban that name too. And while you’re at it, get rid of the Kansas City Royals, Los Angeles Kings, and Tennessee Titans names as well. Those are anti-democracy.
Do you think child molestation is ok? No? Neither do I. I happen to find the Nashville Predators name offensive, because when I think of a predator, I think of a sexual predator. Get rid of it. On that note, the Minnesota Vikings gotta go too. Raping and pillaging was kind of their thing.
Another thing you probably haven’t thought about lately, but do you know that roughly 5% of Americans suffer from Photosensitivity (sun allergies)? Yet here we are, allowing the Phoenix Suns? I think the Miami Heat need to reconsider their team name as well.
Speaking of mother nature, what about all those poor people that are afraid of thunderstorms? Better get rid of the Los Angeles Chargers, Oklahoma City Thunder, and Tampa Bay Lightning names. Too scary.
Hell, I am offended by the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Tampa Buccaneers too. I think robbery is wrong. Don’t you? Ban the name.
Does that cover it? Not even close.
Do you think driving fast is ok? Do you realize how many traffic deaths are caused by excessive speed? And yet we are ok with a team name like the Indiana Pacers? That promotes fast driving! Fast driving equals deaths.
And hey, who likes eating meat? This is a sports blog, I know all of you readers do. But approximately 7.5 million people in this country are vegetarian. So a team name that promotes eating meat is ok? Goodbye Green Bay Packers, hello Green Bay Tofus!
Speaking of those Wisconsinites, they promote beer too! Shitty beer at that. Get ready to cheer for your Milwaukee Milks! Wait, I never thought about the lactose intolerant folk. Milwaukee Waters it is!
I think there is more.
What about those who do not find Adam Sandler funny? Eh, I do, but many don’t. Time to get rid of the Montreal Canadians and Vancouver Canucks names. Might as well rename the Toronto Maple Leafs while you’re at it.
And were you aware that roughly 5% of the people in this country have some form of colorblindness? How do you expect them to be ok with team names like the Boston Red Sox, Chicago White Sox, Cincinnati Reds, Toronto Blue Jays, Cleveland Browns, St. Louis Blues, Detroit Red Wings, Columbus Blue Jackets, Chicago Blackhawks, and the Boston Bruins? Doesn’t seem fair to me. Speaking of our senses, better rename the Utah Jazz as well.
And we haven’t even gotten into the animal team names. Detroit Tigers, Memphis Grizzlies, Charlotte Hornets, Carolina Panthers, Chicago Bears, Detroit Lions, San Jose Sharks just to name a few. Any idea how many people have died at the hands (or paws or teeth) of these animals? I am not doing that research, but I am sure it’s a handful. To be safe, better start thinking of new names.
On that note, I would like to petition the Arizona Diamondbacks to change their name. I am deathly afraid of snakes.
I also would like the names of the Washington Wizards and the Orlando Magic to be changed. Not because it offends me, simply because I think that shit is foolish.
Get my point?
How long until our Super Bowl matchup is Team B vs. Team Z. And our World Series matchup is Team 3 vs. Team 7. Wait, I never thought about our illiterate population, that doesn’t work for them. Fuck. Back to the drawing board.
Caveat - There are a handful of college names I would like to make sure stay in-tact. Specifically the Blackburn Battlin’ Beavers, Oregon State Beavers, Hampshire Black Sheep, Long Beach State Dirtbags, UNC School of the Arts Fighting Pickles, South Carolina Gamecocks, Eastern Arizona Gila Monsters, Rhode Island School of Design Nads, and any sports team named Cougars. These need to be added to the endangered species list.